Hey, Mom! How are you? I don’t know why, but the more time that passes, the harder it is to not have you in my life. I thought “time heals all wounds”. In my case, it seems to be ripping it open, exposing it to the harsh reality that you’re gone. I wish I would have urged you to go to the hospital when you told me you got it. I wish I would have come down there to be with you before you went to the hospital. I wish so many things. But unfortunately, it doesn’t change the fact that you are gone. You left me. You left us. I know you didn’t want to go, and I’m not mad. I’m just incredibly sad.
Ramsey and Dandi gave me a big reminder of childhood idiocy the other day. I remember when Jennifer and I were young, we got in trouble for making mud pies on the playhouse porch. Ramsey got in trouble for playing with my eggs. I don’t know what her game was, but she took out my 1.5 dozen eggs. And when she no longer cared to play with them, Dandi helped herself. It was a nightmare to clean…like a giant sneezed all over the living room. And I was really annoyed with Ramsey. But in the end, all I can do is forgive her and move on.
Another milestone happens tomorrow: Austin’s first birthday without you. I don’t know how he will be with everything. I’m going to call him tonight to see how things are going. We sent him a fun Bat signal kitchen timer for your house. He received today and seems to like it. I figured it’s a grown up practical thing that has a bit of kid whimsy to it. Just that fine line we all need.
Speaking of macaroni and cheese, if you happen upon Nell wherever you are, I hope you will give her a piece of your mind on my behalf. Otherwise, I’m always thinking of you. My drives home are lonely. If I could only hear you laugh at my stories again, the world would feel right. I love you.
Hey, Mom! How are you? 