Hi, Mom. How are you? I did it. I made it through my birthday without you. It wasn’t without tears. It wasn’t without thinking of you constantly. But I did it. It wasn’t a good birthday. But I tried to make it work. We did a birthday steak dinner on my actual birthday. Then Jade watched Ramsey the next day so Cliff and I could have a date night. We watched a movie and had dinner. It was ok, but with the pandemic still very much a thing, we were masked up in the theater and eating in the car.
I guess the other thing I enjoyed was chocolate cake. Ramsey liked it too.
I also got lots of cuddles from Dandi. Not because she knew it was my birthday but because she’s just a cuddle muffin.
So, I did it. But I wish I could have just heard your voice wishing me a happy day. It sucks, Mom. Will it ever get better? I’m trying to take steps to make it better. I’ve signed up for online counseling. It was hard enough with Ramsey’s ASD diagnosis and Cliff’s PD diagnosis. Losing you means I lost the one person to whom I could just really open up. I can’t burden Cliff. He’s got his own battles, and you know that men sometimes have issues with emotional vulnerability. I don’t know if Ramsey will ever have the ability to form a friendship with me like you and I did. But even if that happens, she’s too young to be a rock for me now. So, I think I’m going to turn it over to the professionals. I need help. I’m here, but I’m not.
Anyway, I love you. Always. Here’s a picture of Ramsey after she stole my ice cream cone just to give you a quick laugh.
Hey, Mom! How are you? 