Hey, Mom. How are you? I hate to start this update on a negative note, but I’m really struggling. I know it’s because the holidays are coming. I know it’s because whatever stage of grief I’m in right now is slapping me in the face on the regular. You’ve been gone a long time, but I still feel so raw sometimes. I still feel untethered with no clear direction or path. And I definitely don’t feel strong, but I don’t think I’ve ever been strong. I just know how to fake it.
I’m pretty sure I shared that we are having a Thanksgiving potluck in Cherryville this year. I’ve also asked Austin if he can take Christmas pictures of us for our Christmas card, and I’ve asked Winnie to help me achieve an elf look with my makeup. This is my second Thanksgiving without you. Most people would probably say I should be getting better by now. But I know why I feel worse. Last year, I didn’t have to face your absence since I did a small Thanksgiving here with Jade. And at Christmas, Covid gave us a reprieve (as ridiculous as that statement is). I’m trying to get better. I am. But 2022 hasn’t shown me grace to grieve. In fact, it’s been a nightmare with Ramsey’s medical issues and the stress of all that speeding up Cliff’s PD symptoms.
But I’ll try to share some of the good things that’s happened since my last communique with you. I know you always enjoyed my stories, especially ones that made you laugh. So, I guess I’ll start with Halloween since it came and went. Ramsey opted to be a witch again. She loves trick-or-treating but doesn’t like candy. To her, it’s about the interaction and routine. She giggled at the monsters roaming around in the yard of the best decorated house of the neighborhood. She carried a tiny little bucket with her for candy, which I told her we could empty and refill multiple times. But the moment her bucket was full, she said she was done. Funny story: Cliff drove the van around while Jade and I walked Ramsey to the houses. At one home, we got called the “moms”, which I just laughed about (particularly since much of my neighborhood is conservative). And I thought that if me and Jade are the moms, people must have thought Cliff was the creepy old man in the van slowly riding around the neighborhood. We should have completed that look with him offering candy out the window (although I don’t think having cops come out would have been a good look).
On the health front, I’m still crushing it with weight loss. Since my procedure, I’ve lost more than 80 lbs. Since my heaviest (back in January of 2019), I’ve lost more than 100 lbs. Considering that I’m not done with losing, that just shows how sick I really was (and maybe still am). My numbers at my last doctor’s visit were great, and having kind words from the doc (instead of directions to do better) really helps to spur me forward. I’ve managed to drop 2 pills from my medication routine, so that’s an enormous win. I wonder what being in maintenance is like. I actually worry about that moment when I meet goal and need to maintain. I’ve been so focused on weight loss for so long, how do I move into a mindset of being ok when numbers aren’t subtracting from the scale? I still have a bit to go before I face that reality, but I do think about it.
Last time, I shared a picture of Peach, so here’s one of Honey. I find their personalities fascinating. Peach really needs me but doesn’t like cuddles. Honey isn’t needy, but she’s a nice lap cat. I’m actually surprised how much Cliff and I are enjoying being cat owners. You did a good job with these two, and I hope I can be as good a cat mom to them as you were.
And of course, I’ll end with the galoot. I’m still so sad you never got to experience her sloppy kisses or ridiculous ways. She’s such a good girl, and she really has been my therapy pet since you’ve been gone.
That’s all I have for now. I’ll try to write more at Thanksgiving. Debbie, Maggie and Cody are coming. I’m excited to see them, and I’m just hoping I can keep it together. I love you, Mom.
Hey, Mom! How are you? 