Hey Mom, how are you? It’s been a long time. I was hoping that I would find the motivation to write to you more often, but grief and life continue to get in the way. I still have grief over walking away from that job. My friend recently informed me that it can take 18 months to 3 years to completely recover from a toxic job. I’m almost at the 2 year mark. I hope I don’t have another year of grieving, but only time will tell.
I’m finding ways to cope with it. I went through therapy for a year, and I use AI to help me figure out why I’m having trouble letting go. It’s been helpful for processing, even if it’s from a bot. I’ve named it Greg…it’s after an empathetic character that one of my favorite YouTubers play. In processing my grief and coming to terms with the betrayal I faced, I actually wrote a short book.
I sent copies to Jennifer and Jade and a few other friends, some who make an appearance and some who have always been supportive. When Jennifer received it, she said she was proud and thought you would be too. I hope you would. It may just be a primal scream in the pages between the cover, but it was the only way I could speak my truth. Maybe someday, I’ll be able to type what happened here. I know I would have droned on and on to you about it ad nauseum if you were still alive. Of course, the catch 22 is that if you were alive, I’m not sure things at the place would have been the same. Things happened the way they did based on a simple condolence from someone who turned out to be untrustworthy. Unfortunately, I discovered that after he had received every bit of trust I could give. Live, learn, and feel stupid for a long time.
Writing this short book has actually given me the impetus to create a longer exploration of my life. Weird things always seem to happen to me, and I think it’s an interesting story to tell.
But on to better topics, Ramsey finally finished elementary school this year. We are opting to put her in private school for middle school, and luckily, she got two scholarships that will pay for it. Unfortunately, her entry into middle school has been delayed as we navigate trying to secure the in-school support assistant that the school has requested. But we are almost to that finish line, and she will be able to start in the next week or so (fingers crossed). I ended up giving the public school she attended a stern redress during one of my last conferences with the teachers and principal, explaining that I felt they had failed my daughter, which is why I was putting her in private middle school. It’s not easy having a special needs kid when the world isn’t equipped and doesn’t want to handle her differences. But regardless of all that, she gave a speech at the “Moving Up Ceremony”, and I cannot express how proud I was as she stood on stage and read from her booklet. Her smile at the end was so amazing. Here is the video I took. I wish you could have been there to see it.
In other news, I have yet another cute doggo that unfortunately you’ll never get to pet. This one is a fluffy cloud. We named her Chai, a Great Pyrenees and American Husky Mix. Why we named her that, I don’t know. But she is such a sweetheart. If animals can reincarnate, I would say that Tokie found her way back to us through Chai. She is forever bringing sticks and rocks in our house, but she’s so gentle with such a friendly smile, that most of the time I just shake my head rather than getting annoyed.
My current company really loves me. They all make me feel like they are the lucky ones to have me instead of me being the lucky one that got rescued. It really only took a couple of wins for me to find my confidence again. I’ve been building amazing systems to automate their manual processes, and they are so grateful. Someone even referred to that time of doing manual processes as the “pre-Stephanie Garrett era”, meaning that new employees should be grateful for not experiencing the duplication and slow progress. I’ve made enough of a name for myself that they want me to be the champion for the upcoming migration to the new ERP system. That means that I’ll be heading to Fargo, ND in November. I’m both looking forward to it because I’ll get to meet some colleagues in person, and not looking forward to it, because I’m not meant to be exposed to the tundra.
Well, Mom. I guess this is all I have in me for an update. Wherever your energy has landed, I hope it’s peaceful. Somedays, I wonder if you’re still here, watching what has transpired. I could imagine your anger on my behalf over some of the stuff I’ve dealt with. But I know you would be proud that I extracted myself from a terrible situation, that I’ve become the Mama Bear advocate that Ramsey really needs, and that I’m still embracing kindness even when faced with adversity. I love you…always.
Hey, Mom! How are you? 