Hey, Mom! How are you?

Hey, Mom! How are you? Apparently, letting my hair grow to its natural color has been a good idea because I’ve gotten all kinds of compliments on how pretty the color is. Jennifer asked if I had ombréd my hair. A guy in our shipping department stopped by my office to tell me that I’m a beautiful lady. A lady in our production department said my hair looks so good, and she can’t wait to have a head full of gray hair. And finally, a woman at Walgreens complimented me on how beautiful my hair is. Maybe I should have gone gray long ago.

So, I know it’s been a long time since I last wrote to you. Life has been ever-changing. There have been some good happenings, like continued trips to the dog park with Dandi, back to school and good behavior from Ramsey, a sense of contentment with my job.

But there have also been a few hiccups. The most recent one is that Ramsey’s therapist was being too harsh with Ramsey. She would really fuss at Ramsey for not doing the work. Ramsey got so upset one day, she peed herself. I had to report her to Ramsey’s case manager because I can’t have someone treating Ramsey that way. It’s bad enough that she sees that side from me; I’m not going to let a stranger do that to her. We’re trying to work it out.

Ramsey starts a before care program next week so I can get into work earlier. Hopefully, she will do better with this program than when I had her in the program with the YMCA at her school. This is with a local daycare, and she will get to ride a bus when they take her to school. I’m sure she will like that.

Ramsey is really doing well with reading. She reads some of her books now. Here is a clip of her reading one of them last night. She is so smart. She can even read some words that are listed as 3rd grade level. I knew she would be brilliant.

So, my little family unit is doing ok. We all miss you, though. I hope somehow you are getting these updates. I’ll leave you with this beautiful picture of Ramsey that I put through a comic book filter. I love you.

Hey, Mom! How are you? I’ve been meaning to write to you all week. Truthfully, I haven’t had a lot to write about. There are two things to share, so I felt like today is the day.

First, Ramsey has been in summer school this year to help make up for her deficit due to this terrible year of working around the pandemic. I think I already shared that she will have a new teacher starting in the fall. Well, she’s gotten a taste of that already with the summer school. She’s actually doing really well! In fact, the report from yesterday said she had no meltdowns and had a great day. That’s the first time I’ve seen a report like that. It gives me hope that everything will be ok. I just realized I don’t have any new photos of her to share, so I’ll try to get some for next time.

The other thing to share is that Dandi got her first trip to the dog park last weekend. She didn’t really appreciate the little boy who kept wanting to pet her, but she seemed to really like the other dogs. Her favorite game is tag, but only if she’s the one evading the other dogs. I’m definitely going to get her back out there on the weekends some more. Next time, Piper can go with her.

Otherwise, I’m ok…I think. One day at a time. I love you.

Hey, Mom. How are you? I keep getting really behind on talking to you. I think about you daily, but I’m so unmotivated to write to you. Changing that today because I have news to share.

I took my oath to be a notary public yesterday. I am officially a public servant. I guess my love of stamps is one of the reasons becoming a notary felt right. Also, my company offered to pay for it, so how could I turn it down? I get my stamp next week. I just hope I don’t go crazy making everything official.

I went to Cherryville last weekend to go through some stuff. I came home with a box of pictures of me. Perhaps Ramsey will like those when she is older. She enjoyed seeing Jennifer, Austin, and Jade. We did a day trip, and right before we arrived home, she asked for them. I’m so glad she feels a closeness with our family. She doesn’t talk about you. I think it makes her sad. But I talk about you to her because I always want her to remember you.

On our way home from your house, Cliff and I stopped at our new favorite taco place in Asheboro. I know you wouldn’t have liked their food, but I managed to turn a bittersweet road trip into a foodie delight. It will make going to Cherryville worth it if yummy tacos await my trip home.

Jade shared with me that Austin asked her to be his best man. That is so sweet to me 😍. I’m so happy he did that, and I’m glad they have stayed so close over the years. I was trying to help her come up with bachelor party ideas, but I’m not good at that. If you were here, I’m sure you would come up with something quirky to add in. I’m trying to channel that funny, quirky, Nana thing so that we can all have a laugh about it. Maybe I can find a similar blue dress as the one you always wore for occasions.

Anyway, just wanted to share the news and talk to you for a moment. I miss you so much.

Hey, Mom! How are you? Today is my first day back to work in 10 days. It was nice having all that time off, but I’m happy to be getting back to my routine.

I realize that I forgot to even mention our 4th of July celebration. There wasn’t much to it. Around 8:30 or so, I asked Ramsey if she wanted to see fireworks. She did, so we went to our driveway like we do every year to await the show.

They always close our street for the show since the park where they hold the event is so close to our house. A lot of people gather on our street to watch. This year, midway through the event, I noticed a black shape darting fearfully away from the fireworks. Several seconds afterward, a man came running by. Turns out that the black shape was his dog, frightened by the festivities. Not sure why you would bring a dog to a fireworks show. I just hope he recovered his canine friend.

This morning when I was getting ready for work, Cliff came up carrying a box. Apparently, he had ordered a special Mother’s Day gift for me months ago and had forgotten about it once he hid it. Look at my girl.

Not much more to report, but you know I’ll be back soon. I love you, Mom.

Hey, Mom! How are you? We’ve been back from our vacation for a few days, but I’ve been too lazy to write. But there is so much to tell you, including a surprise at the end, so let’s jump right into it.

Ramsey almost missed out on the zoo. She had a terrible day right before we left where she purposely peed in her bed twice. I don’t think I’ve ever been so mad at her. But I got over it, and we salvaged the vacation. It was probably the best vacation we’ve had with her. We focused on what she wanted to do, and she didn’t have so many tantrums. Besides the zoo, the only thing she cared to do was swim in the pool at the camp ground. I didn’t get any pics of this as we stayed in the moment for the most part.

As for the zoo, Ramsey loved it. Her best experiences were when the gorilla ran in front of the viewing glass thumping its chest and when she got to feed the giraffes. It was a crazy humid day when we went. Cliff can’t walk distances anymore because of the Parkinson’s, so we rented a scooter for the week. I am so proud of Ramsey for not having a tantrum to ride it. When we got to the zoo, I explained to her that Daddy had a special chair for the zoo because his leg hurts. She was so concerned about Cliff’s leg. She offered him a bandaid to make it better. So sweet. But after that, she didn’t say one word about the scooter. She didn’t whine about walking. She was amazing. And here are the pics we took.

We decided to board Dandi for this trip. She’s still not quite ready for camping, so we took her to a boarder we’ve used for Tokie and Piper in the past. The kennel had a webcam so I could peek in on her. She was so sad while in the kennel. But we opted to let her do some puppy daycare so she could play with other dogs a couple of the days. She was so happy to see us when we went to get her. So many sloppy puppy kisses.

So, my trip is probably the least of the news. But it’s not my news, it’s Austin’s. Your little boy turned responsible man is getting married! He asked Chloe last night, and she said yes. They are planning a Halloween wedding. I wonder if he got that idea from you. Didn’t you and Dad marry on Halloween?

Well, it’s time for sleep. I miss you so much. I don’t think I’ve made it through a week without telling someone how much I miss you.

Hey, Mom! How are you? Someone asked me this question today. The answer remains that it depends on the day. This morning I cried in the shower, but then I’ll find myself laughing at odd things. Like the story I shared with the family group text today.

Ramsey has been avoiding Peppa Pig for the last couple of years. She screams if we mention it. Recently, she’s started watching some Peppa videos on her devices. She won’t let me watch them with her. Last night, she gathered up all her Peppa books and started reading them. She won’t let me read them to her or even look at the pages. Peppa Pig has become Ramsey’s dark little secret. I know you would have laughed at this. I wish I could have shown you her sneaky ways of watching the videos or reading the books. She knows we know, but she doesn’t want to talk about it.

Jade invited us to do something today. Ramsey opted to see a movie. She really enjoyed the one she saw with Jade a couple weeks ago. We went to see Peter Rabbit 2. It was quite a tantrum leaving the house as we told Ramsey we had to get lunch first. But she was happy when we finally sat down with a big tub of popcorn.

The movie was cute. She seemed to enjoy it. I don’t know what we will see next. But she is definitely enjoying her trips to the theater. I wish you could have enjoyed more with her too.

Hey, Mom! How are you? Today is the first day of track out for Ramsey. Cliff had to go to the office, so I’m working from home to keep Ramsey company. Normally, Sandra would watch Ramsey for us during her track out, but she and Eddie are still in the hospital. Did I tell you that Eddie was diagnosed with esophageal cancer a couple months ago? Well after a successful round of chemo and radiation to shrink the tumor, he had surgery earlier this month. It hasn’t been easy on him, but hopefully, they will be able to go home in a few days. This year is really shaping up to be one of the worst.

So, let’s talk about better subjects. Yesterday, there was a year-end party at her school. I went to it, and Ramsey immediately wanted to get in Mommy’s car when she saw me. But I encouraged her to stay and play. We had a lunch picnic, played at the water/sand/bubble stations, and tie-dyed a shirt. Here are a couple pics I got of the festivities.

I also found out the her teacher won’t be returning next year. I’m relieved. It always felt like she had a negative bend towards Ramsey, and I need Ramsey to have positivity to help get through. I met the new teacher. She seems nice. I hope Ramsey gets on well with her.

Funny story for when we were on our way home. I was stopped at a red light, and from the backseat, Ramsey kept saying “Big Ben”. I don’t know where she even learned what Big Ben is, but apparently, this looked close enough to her.

I’m happy that she is finally getting her ABA therapy again. She seems to be getting along well with the new therapist. Of course, they are still in a bonding phase, so no demands are taking place yet. We’ll see how it goes once Ramsey has to start working for it.

Time to get back to it. Love you so much.

Hey, Mom! How are you? I know it’s been a while since I last wrote to you. My last note was full of so much pain. I am still hurting because of your absence, but at least today is a better day. Ramsey misses you, and I know you would love to see her if you were here. Here are some pictures for you.

She’s such a sweet girl. It hurts me that you won’t get to see how she turns out. All I can do is continue to write here and hope that somehow you get these messages.

I wish you could have met my other little girl too. Dandi is a destructive mess, but she’s also my big cuddle muffin.

My life is boring, but I could always count on you to show interest in it. I know you would have liked these pictures and videos and the stories that go with them. I know you would have laughed to learn about the many pairs of underwear Dandi has destroyed, or how Ramsey now makes requests for broccoli and turkey when we know she has no intention to eat it, or how I find myself cackling (or rolling my eyes) in the car at some weird comment from Cliff.

When you were here, my life didn’t feel so boring, my struggle at having a special needs kid didn’t seem so daunting. So, I’ll keep you here a while longer, I’m holding on with all my might. I love you and miss you.

Hey, Mom. How are you? I’m not ok. It’s Sunday night. Another weekend where I could barely find the motivation to pull on the same outfit I’ve been wearing for 3 days, let alone do anything productive like dishes or laundry or even putting the registration tag on my car. I would rather share fun anecdotes with you, but pain comes in waves. I just have to ride it out.

I just put Ramsey to bed. She’s been sniffling and coughing a lot. I admit that every time she coughs or sneezes, my heart clenches in worry that she has it. There have been a couple of cases at her school, and while I feel they would tell me if it was specifically her class, it doesn’t make me worry any less.

Ramsey asked me to sing to her tonight. So, I gave her the classic lullaby hits. But there’s one song I sing to her that’s the words from a book. And as I sang tonight, I couldn’t fight the tears of knowing that the same song is one I could sing for you.

She misses you, Mom. She can’t talk about you. I think she knows it makes me sad, but it makes her sad too. This weekend she said something about “Grandma”, and I asked who is her grandma, thinking she would say Nanie. Instead, she said “Nana” and put her hands over her ears and lowered her head. I hope she never forgets you. The cruelest punishment of all is that she didn’t get the chance to really get her Nana-time like your other grandchildren did.

I love you. Someday, I hope to heal. That day seems like such a distant possibility.

Hey, Mom! How are you? Please don’t be mad. I have something to show you, but I know you won’t like it.

I got this idea before Mother’s Day. I didn’t know the “heartbeat in a bottle” from the hospital would become my next tattoo. But I decided to make it happen. Cliff did the artwork by tracing the line from the bottle along with your writing from the last card I got from you. It’s not a very big tattoo, but regardless of how annoyed you would be that I got it, you’re always with me.