Hey, Mom! How are you?

Hey, Mom! How are you? Sorry it’s been a bit since my last update. I had started a post before our Memorial Day trip, but I never finished it. We are now back from our trip. It wasn’t great and I have no pictures to share. More details below.

We took Dandi’s cone off before we left for our trip. She had to wear her cone for an additional 5 days because we caught Piper licking her incision, which caused a slight infection. Piper still ruining everything. I’m so glad the cone is gone. She’s a wrecking ball without it. But with it she was a juggernaut.

My hair is at the nice mullet stage now. I’ve been thinking about how it will look when it grows out completely. It makes me start thinking about how old I am and how much my appearance has changed. I had the thought earlier that if Dad could see me now after not having seen me for 16 years, he probably wouldn’t recognize me. And of course, that made me realize that as I continue to age, one day I’ll have the same realization that you wouldn’t recognize me either. That image I had of us growing older together with me taking care of you still haunts me. I don’t really want it to go away even though it will never happen. I just wanted to repay you with care and companionship in your waning years. Now, all I can do is hope that somehow you see these words and the few pictures I share. The conversation may be one-sided, but who else would share it with me?

So, Goose Creek…after this weekend, we have decided no more state parks. They are out in the middle of nowhere and have ridiculous curfews. Our first night there, we were racing the clock to try to find dinner for Ramsey. It was an epic fail. We went to the nearest gas station, which boasted mini mart status on its sign. BS. That place didn’t even have slim Jim’s, which is quintessential gas station fare. So, I got whatever Ramsey-approved snacks I could find, and we hightailed it back to the camper before the park gates were locked. We made it, but it was a stressful start to a stressful weekend.

Dandi is a bit too young for camping. She barks too much right now and is rude about potty breaks. In fact, I took her out insanely early one morning for a good poo. Then she immediately came back inside and pooed on our bed. Irritated isn’t really a good descriptor for my feelings on it. We spent too much time cleaning accidents. Our next trip will be Dandi-less, as we’ve decided to board her for our three days at the zoo. It will be good for her to be around other people and dogs.

The seclusion is the other thing that made this trip not great. It rained a bunch, and if we wanted to get food or go to a store we had to drive anywhere from 10-30 miles. So, we could never make a quick trip to the store. We did get groceries, and I did some cooking in the camper. But as Cliff pointed out, we’re “glampers”. We like to go to places to enjoy whatever the local culture and cuisine is. We’re not trail hiking, fly fishing, outdoorsmen. Plus, weather kept us from doing that even if we enjoyed those things.

So, that’s the gist of our trip. I’m sure I’ll have loads of pictures to share after our zoo trip. I’m getting to work late today because I have a class to get my notary this evening. I hope Cliff can survive without mommy watching Ramsey for a bit.

I love you, Mom. Always.

Hey, Mom! How are you? It’s getting hot here. This weekend, Ramsey had her last horse class. It was a showcase for relatives to see how well their loved ones had done with horses this year. Ramsey did wonderful, as usual. But with wearing pants, her gloves, and helmet, her little cheeks were flushed from the heat by the time she was done. She had a good time, though, and Jade, Nanie, and Papa came out to see her. Wish you could have been there too.

Otherwise, this weekend we worked on a few house projects. I installed a gate to the entrance of our parlor. Dandi has sneakily gone in there to potty, so I had it barricaded with a plastic gate. I finally got a metal gate out of our storage space to put up instead. It looks better than the plastic one, and it has a walk-through. I just have to make sure Ramsey keeps it closed.

I also cleared the hallway by our kitchen to create a space for Dandi. We found out recently that Piper has been licking Dandi’s incision, so she has to wear her cone for another 5 days. We also had to figure out how to separate them. We got yet another baby gate to put up by this hallway so Dandi can spend time there. We needed to do this in general because when Cliff goes back to work, Dandi will need to be sequestered to cut back on her destructive tendencies.

We get to go camping this weekend. We’re finally using the gift card Richard gave us a couple of years ago to visit a state park. I found one that had availability for Memorial Day weekend in the eastern part of the state, Goose Creek. I’m looking forward to just having a weekend in nature. Apparently, this park has lots of walking trails, a little beach by the bay, and it is located near the world’s only estuarium, which is just a made up work for aquarium for river life.

This will be the first time the dogs accompany us in the bed of the truck rather than the back seat. It will also be the first time we’ll have to sequester Dandi while we’re away from the camper. We’re going to bring her new gate and use it on our bathroom door so she can still see Piper and Tokie but not be able to tear up our new furniture. I’ll be sure to share pictures with you when we go.

Guess I better let you go. Today is another milestone (first birthday for Jennifer without you). I spoke with her earlier, and she seemed to be doing ok. I wish I was. Cliff mentioned chewable OJ this weekend, and although I started laughing, it quickly devolved into sobs. I miss you so very much.

Hey, Mom! How are you? I don’t know why, but the more time that passes, the harder it is to not have you in my life. I thought “time heals all wounds”. In my case, it seems to be ripping it open, exposing it to the harsh reality that you’re gone. I wish I would have urged you to go to the hospital when you told me you got it. I wish I would have come down there to be with you before you went to the hospital. I wish so many things. But unfortunately, it doesn’t change the fact that you are gone. You left me. You left us. I know you didn’t want to go, and I’m not mad. I’m just incredibly sad.

Ramsey and Dandi gave me a big reminder of childhood idiocy the other day. I remember when Jennifer and I were young, we got in trouble for making mud pies on the playhouse porch. Ramsey got in trouble for playing with my eggs. I don’t know what her game was, but she took out my 1.5 dozen eggs. And when she no longer cared to play with them, Dandi helped herself. It was a nightmare to clean…like a giant sneezed all over the living room. And I was really annoyed with Ramsey. But in the end, all I can do is forgive her and move on.

Another milestone happens tomorrow: Austin’s first birthday without you. I don’t know how he will be with everything. I’m going to call him tonight to see how things are going. We sent him a fun Bat signal kitchen timer for your house. He received today and seems to like it. I figured it’s a grown up practical thing that has a bit of kid whimsy to it. Just that fine line we all need.

Speaking of macaroni and cheese, if you happen upon Nell wherever you are, I hope you will give her a piece of your mind on my behalf. Otherwise, I’m always thinking of you. My drives home are lonely. If I could only hear you laugh at my stories again, the world would feel right. I love you.

Hey, Mom! How are you? Things are OK here. Last Friday, I had a bit of a meltdown at the vet’s office. I dropped Dandi off at 7 AM for her spay appointment. While I was sitting in the car waiting for the vet tech to get my sweet girl, I started thinking of you and Reedus. I got myself worked up worrying about Dandi. By the time the vet tech came to get Dandi, I was sobbing. I told her that I knew she couldn’t make any promises but to please not let anything happen to her. Dandi has really helped get me through losing you, so the thought of losing her was unbearable. But all is OK, and Dandi now has a starring role as a satellite dish.

At first, she was a little timid with the cone on her head. Now she uses it as a battering ram. Thank goodness the edge isn’t sharp, or I would have already lost my head.

I got a call from Ms. Killen this morning to ask if we want to send Ramsey to school during track out to help her with reading, math and science. Although, I want Ramsey to have a break, I think it’s a good idea to keep her on routine, if possible. She actually loves reading, but she could definitely use some confidence with math. I’m not surprised she loves reading. She comes from a line of bookworms.

Sorry for such a short update. Other than getting Dessy ready for our trip at the end of the month, nothing has been happening. I definitely lead a dull existence. but I’ll be back soon to report on more chaos. I love you, and I miss you so much.

Hey, Mom. How are you? I’m not going to lie, this weekend was kind of hard. I found myself lying beside Ramsey last night bawling my eyes out. It upset Ramsey. She doesn’t like it when I cry. Once I had calmed down a little, she gently said “Happy?” So, I told her I was trying. I remember that feeling myself. I remember how helpless as a kid you feel when your mom starts crying in front of you. That vulnerability is such a shock to kids. I remember wondering if there was anything I could do to make it better. I know it isn’t easy for Ramsey to see me sad, but sometimes, I just need a minute. I lost my mom and my best friend this year. As Cliff said yesterday, every holiday this year will be some sort of milestone “first time without Mom” shock to the system. I’m not really prepared for all of them. I was actually doing good yesterday until I thought I needed to post your picture on IG. That was probably my downfall. But I’m ok with that. What better reason to cry than to a happy memory of you pushing Ramsey on a swing.

My celebration as a mother was ok. I got a picture with my special girl. She gave me a sunflower in a pot she had painted with ladybugs on it. Hopefully, I can keep it alive…as long as Dandi doesn’t get her destructive little paws on it. Ramsey also made me a card. It had an ice cream on the front and inside she had written “Love Ramsey”. She’s so cute with the way she writes. Usually, a word will span two lines because of how big she writes the letters. She’ll get better. Right now, it’s just cute. May not be so cute in the future when she’s filling out an application.

The other bittersweet moment I had this weekend was with my other little girl. Dandi graduated from puppy training class. I don’t mean to brag, but I’m pretty sure Dandi was valedictorian of her puppy class. She was so focused on me during the training because she’s really treat driven. She did a perfect example of how obedient she is during class. The trainer told us to demonstrate wait at the door before we went out of the training room for our walking lessons. All the other pups were so distracted and not really listening to their owners. It took each dog quite a bit of time to be able to focus and follow the command. Dandi was the last dog out of the class, and the trainer said “Impress me, Dandi.” She did not disappoint. It took us 10 seconds with a “Sit”, “Wait”, and “Let’s go.” I definitely had a proud peacock momma moment. And although Dandi has been a rock star at learning and obeying the commands, I think the most obvious growth she’s had over the last six weeks is that she is less fearful around new experiences and people. When we first started training, I literally had to carry Dandi into the PetSmart and carry her out when it was finished. But every week, she has gotten a little more brave until she was finally jumping out of the car by herself and trotting into the store without any issues. When we first started training, she didn’t want the trainer anywhere near her. The last day of training, when we practiced come when called, Dandi trotted happily to the trainer for the yummy chicken jerky treats. When it was time to announce the puppy class “graduates”, Dandi had, of course, made the cut. But what actually floored me is that two of the dogs in the class did not graduate to intermediate training. The trainer said she didn’t feel those two dogs were quite ready and would need to retake the beginner class (free of charge). Not that I wanted any puppy (or owner) to feel like they had failed, but it actually made me feel like the class is legitimate because if all dogs, no matter their behavior gets to graduate to the next level, then we are essentially just buying the beginner training instead of actually having to prove our dogs could do it. So, yes, I’m proud of my fuzzy beast, and just look how cute she is in her little graduation cap.

Cliff and I have been on a “home improvement” streak lately. Of course, the streak has nothing to do with improving our home and everything to do with improving Dessy. Since we got Dessy, I’ve told Cliff that I didn’t like the living room furniture. The couch/chaise combo wasn’t very comfortable to sit on, and Ramsey’s bed when it was flipped out wasn’t great. Cliff always seemed a little hesitant about changing out the furniture. I think he thought it would be such a massive undertaking to get it switched with something we liked. After several months of research and trying to figure out what would work (A futon? A similar pull-out bed? A jackknife sofa?), I finally found a sofa that got decent reviews, had the right measurements, and looked like it would work well with our existing colors. It’s similar to a jackknife sofa, and it was a breeze to put together. It’s long enough for all three of us to sit on it, and it feels pretty comfortable as a bed. Plus, since it’s pretty sleek, we have a ton more space in front of the sofa, unlike when we had that bulky couch/chaise combo. The only thing it’s missing is storage…

But we got that storage thing figured out as well. Although I like having a lot of space in front of the couch, we knew we wanted a different dining table set up. So, I got a new lift-top coffee table to go in front of the couch. It has two drawers at the bottom and a small bit of storage under the top. We need to add some feet/legs under it to help make the lift-top be a little higher for easier dining, but I’m really happy with this little table.

We have a couple more “improvement” items to do on Dessy before our next trip (adding an indestructible screen to our door, adding screens over the furnace and refrigerator vents, etc.), but I think we’ve almost got it exactly where we need it. Our next trip is for Memorial Day weekend, and I’m really looking forward to it. I just feel at ease when in Dessy. Maybe it’s because my house is such a messy nightmare, but something about having my own little cave to go to when we’re in an unfamiliar place is very soothing. I’m very grateful that Papaw and Mamaw took the grandkids with them on some of those vacations when we were little. I definitely have a different kind of appreciation for camping because of those memories.

Well, guess I need to get off here to get a few things done. I love you, Mom. Miss you.

My first one without you. You’re never gone. You stay right here in my heart. I’ll always love you, and as short as it was, I’m grateful for the time we had.

Hey, Mom! How’s it going? Things are ok around here. I wanted to share a cute story with you. Dandi is a fantastic helper. I know I’ve mentioned the new doggie door we got. Well, Dandi still loves it, but even better than her using it is the fact that she helps Piper use it. This morning when I let the dogs out, I was relaxing on the couch waiting for them to come back in. Dandi was lying on my chest getting love. Suddenly, her ears perked up, and she jumped off the couch. A couple seconds after that, I heard Piper whining at the door. And after Dandi disappeared behind the couch, she emerged a few seconds later with Piper at her side. She’s more helpful than Ramsey at letting the dogs in the door.

Cliff told me that a couple of nights ago while I was helping Ramsey with bedtime, Dandi and Piper were playing hard. Apparently, she was chasing Piper all through the house and backyard. Cliff said Piper was acting just like a puppy. I guess he’s finally seeing the benefit of Dandi joining our family.

Sorry for such a short, pictureless update. I’ll have more for you soon. Love you so much.

Hey, Mom! How are you? I started this conversation because I was thinking about how watching old game shows on the Buzzr channel gave me a sense of nostalgia and peace after Papaw left. I’m wondering if I should make Cliff start watching ID. That network has your name written all over it.

I’m sorry to disappoint you by saying that I haven’t finished this season’s The Walking Dead. I’ll get to it at some point. Then I can give you my analysis of it. It’s just not the same, both because it’s not as good as it once was and because I can’t actually talk to you about it.

I got Ramsey’s school picture back the other day. Cliff says she looks confused. Jade said she looks off guard. I say she’s my cute Ramsey. You said that you didn’t always get pictures of the other grandkids. I’ll try to make sure to always show you the digital copies of Ramsey’s pictures so that you will always have them.

I hate that you’re not here for Jade’s birthday. She seems to be doing ok. I got her some shirts per her request. I hope she likes them. I’m not feeling very inspired these days when it comes to gifts. I was actually thinking about the fact that Mother’s Day is just a couple weeks away. I’m sad you’re not here to get a little treat from me. Being able to send you those ice cube chocolates last year was so great. I knew you would appreciate them. But just because you can’t get a physical treat doesn’t mean I’m not going to get you anything. I have something in mind, and hopefully, you’ll like it.

Oh, I just realized I didn’t share this with you yet.

Ramsey loves having the shell on the truck. In fact, she didn’t want to go anywhere in Mommy’s car for a few days after the shell installation. She finally agreed to ride in the van when we had to go to school on Monday. But she does really like the new addition. It’s really going to help with our family trips. We realized on our last trip with the trailer that there isn’t enough room in the front of the truck for 2 adults, 1 child, 3 dogs and a pack of gliders. Cliff started immediately thinking of a new car, but luckily we decided on a camper shell. That way the dogs can have space in the back of the truck, and we don’t have to take on extra debt to find a little bit of space.

Guess it’s time to go. I love you lots. Miss you.