April 23, 2021

Hey, Mom. How are you? I hate to report that today I’m sick. We had an event at work yesterday. I think the catering did not agree with me, and I was up all night with stomach issues. So, I’m recuperating today. But the event was a success, and it was all my doing. I took care of renting a tent, table and chairs. I got some decor. I was able to secure gifts that everyone seemed to like, a choice between a duffel bag and a picnic blanket. We did a raffle for a bunch of freebies that I had gotten from ordering through ULine. Tickets were $1 each, and we raised $232 for Water for Life, a cause our parent company champions. The food was from a local BBQ place. It tasted fine, but something didn’t agree with me. We did a Town Hall to provide a company update, and I had to do the opening remarks. My public speaking skills are still on par. I planned everything, and although I was freaking out about everything, I think everyone had a great time.

I also wanted to share a proud mama moment that I experienced with Ramsey this morning. I picked her up from school yesterday, and I just left her backpack in the car. This morning, I gathered up what she would need for her backpack, and we headed out. Ramsey had already headed to the car when she turned around to tell me with concern “My backpack!” I was so proud that she remembered that she needed her backpack. I told her how proud I was and that her pack was in the car. It’s a huge step in the right direction if she helps to let us know when she needs something.

Ramsey recently got interested in yo-yos. I think she saw a video of someone playing with one. So she picked one out on Amazon, and I got it for her. Of course, like any toy, she was only interested in it for a short amount of time. But like all her toys, I’m sure she will pick it up again soon. The first thing I taught her about yo-yos is how to wind it. And she did a pretty good job if I do say so myself.

Keep your eyes on your work

I also want to share that Ramsey was featured on the Special Olympics Instagram page for a craft she completed. Here’s the post picture and the original image. She seemed proud of that stress ball craft. Too bad Dandi immediately ruined it. Dried lentils were everywhere.

You would be proud to know that the family is communicating more now. We have a group text where we share a few times a week. My last update with the group was, of course, my silly little Dandi. I guess I think of her as my therapy dog. She has really helped me through the difficult time. I’ll always feel bad that you didn’t get to cuddle her.

My sidekick (yes, that is Ramsey‘s mask)
When sidekicks attack
She loves her human mommy

You would be proud of Austin. He’s really taking care of your home. He’s installed a few items to make it more comfortable, like a better showerhead, a latch for the back screen door to make it openable from inside or outside, and a new cat post for all your furry friends. The biggest update he’s made is getting the septic tank pumped. After all these years we found out that the septic tank is actually located to the right of the dog trolley. Hopefully, the toilet will work a lot better now.

I had what you would call a dream about you last night. I’ve been calling dreams an opportunity to travel, because I see it as my conscious traveling to an alternate timeline. In my dream or on my travels, Jade and I were looking for you. But when we found you, you tried to run away from us. There was a lot more to the dream, and it seemed more like a movie. But the part where you were avoiding us is the most memorable. Whoever that woman was in my alternate reality was not you because I know you would never run from us. But I’ll take it because I got to see you again for a short time.

Well, I guess that’s it on my end. I think about you every day, and I miss you so much. I love you, Mom.

April 14, 2021

It’s been more than two months since we last spoke. I refuse to accept that you’re really gone. So, I’ve decided that we will continue our conversations here. I know you will laugh at all my crazy happenings. Who better for me to share?

Dandi is getting so big. You would love her big sloppy kisses. She’s really attached to all of us, and I just know she would have liked trips to Nana’s house. Funny aside, she’s not a Golden Retriever. The vet did a “wisdom panel”, and Dandi is a mutt: part Keeshond, Chow Chow, Boxer, Pitbull, Shar Pei, and German Shepherd. She doesn’t even have retriever in her!!! But it’s ok. She’s still my sweet girl, and she is growing so fast. I mean, look at the big difference from the day we got her to now. I mean WTH?

Easter wasn’t the same without you facilitating the egg hunt. It was always fun to listen to the begging for hints to find those last difficult eggs. I did a mini hunt for Ramsey. The Easter bunny put a lot of fun animals in all the eggs. Ramsey loved all the little surprises. But she did it alone, and something just felt off. We will continue on with this new tradition, but it may never feel quite right to me.

I got my COVID vaccination. I wish you had been able to get yours. COVID feels like a curse word to me now, a word that actually offends me, a word that elicits an emotional moment. If you could have been a fly on the wall during my exchange with the company president, I think you would have been proud. I was respectful but resolute. The moral of my comments are that I’m not weak for wearing a mask, and I’m not a sheep for protecting my family. All the whining I hear on the news and social media about people’s rights being taken are major first world problems, and honestly, I just have to roll my eyes at it.

Ramsey still loves horses. Guess what? She finally opted to wear the gloves you sent her. Previously, she just wanted those stretchy, woven gloves. This past Saturday, she opted for the ones you got for her. She was quite the fashionista with matching mask and gloves. I wish I had thought to have her wear the boots you got her as well. Next time.

Well, I guess I better get off here and get some things done. I love you, Mom. Talk to you soon.